It is weird for me to realize that I have been out of high school for 7 years now. I know that may not seem like a long time to some, but it seems like just yesterday I was a senior, or sophomore even. I can't believe how much I have changed since then.
If anyone is reading this and wondering what brought this train of thought up, I will explain. Even if no one is reading this (or someone is reading it but doesn't really care what brought it up) this is used more as a diary for myself than for the entertainment of others.
I recently had an "encounter" with a long time friend of mine from high school. For the sake of anonymity I will name her Anne. I have know Anne since we were in the sixth grade. She had a rocky childhood and I believe that is why I latched so firmly on to her as a friend. I have always had a problem with attracting needy people. Our friendship grew very strong in high school. I put her on a pedestals and ignored any flaws or mistakes she made. I loved her as though she was a sister and thought she shared the feeling.
Our senior year in highschool she got pregnant and dropped out. She married the boy who impregnated her and they moved in with his family. Shortly after she got pregnant I found out that my other best friend "Beth" was pregnant as well. Then shortly after I graduated I got pregnant. It was something the three of us kind of joked about. The three of us, who had all been inseparable in highschool, were now inseparable in starting our families.
We began to drift apart slightly after the birth of our children. Anne's marriage fell apart very shortly after having her son. Beth put the father of her daughter in jail, and I stayed with the father of my son. After the divorce Anne started running around a little. She was very attentive of her son though. He always came first. Beth went to school to follow her mother's path and teach. I went to school for a while but then dropped out due in part to major post partum depression and in part because my fiance became everything a girl despises in a male. I had to try to find a full time job to take care of my son, my fiance's drug problem and normal day to day bills. Anne spent the entire time my life was falling apart drinking and running around. Towards the end of my crisis she got pregnant again. Beth was already pregnant at this time (with my fiance's baby, though it was not confirmed to me until recently). We talked very sporadically at this time, but when we did talk Anne and Beth joked around about how I would be next, we had all been pregnant together the first time and would be again. I however had other plans. Things were very bad for me at this time at home and I knew I needed to get away from my fiance. So I married him. I know that doesn't seem logical, but it worked. I married him so I would not have to give custody of my son to someone else temporarily so I could join the military. This was suggested to me by my recruiter, though my fiance did not know that is why I decided to marry him before joining. I was his meal ticket missus. While I was in bootcamp Anne and Beth had their babies. Anne left the father of her second child and Beth at this time still claimed to not know who the father of her's was.
Boot camp changed me. I moved on to a point. I admit I got a little wild after getting out of bootcamp. I couldn't move my son to live with me, so I drank and partied alot. I also became alot more responsible. I told my husband I wouldn't deal with his shit anymore and filed for divorce. I was all business at work and all play during my liberty hours. I met a MAN. A real, honest-to-god MAN! He was everything I needed. Grown, mature, funny, responsible, gentle, and drug free. We became involved shortly before I got out of the military. We got engaged shortly after I got out.
When I came home I came home to different people. Well I should say I came back to the same people, but I was different. Anne was involved with a man who was nearly twice her age and both were involved with meth. She had two children at this point and spent little time with either, though she did love them more than anything according to her. Beth had two children and was involved with a friend I had know since 5th grade. Within a month Anne was pregnant with her third child, by a third man. I began to see that she was not high on this pedestals. I began to realize how much she tried to put me down to make herself feel better. She had done this for as long as I had know her but I always believed she was right. I noticed she put her own needs and desires above everyone else's. For instance, she wanted cheaper drugs so she tried to break up my relationship with Paul (the real MAN) and convince me to date her dealer. Needless to say I was not interested. I was in the middle of trying to secure custody of my son and did not want to become guilty by association so I stopped communicating with Anne as much. I tried when I first got out to get her to quit but then realized I couldn't save her at the cost of my son's future.
Shortly after I got full custody Paul and I picked up and moved to Virginia where he was now stationed. Anne had her third child. I got married, Beth got married a couple of months later, then had her third child a few months after that. I spent my time trying to learn to deal with my husband's long absences and take care of my son. I went to school and became a certified medical assistant and got recommendations to continue my medial education. Anne broke up with the father of her third child and began running around again. Beth almost finished her teaching education then dropped out. She got pregnant with her fourth child. We began talking alot again. Her second child was diagnosed with Autism (the child she had with my ex husband while I was still engaged to him), her third had serious medical issues and weight loss. Anne started calling more after she got involved with another man. He was the "risk taker." She started working at a bar and talked less and less about her children and more and more about this man she became obsessed with. She constantly "jokingly" insulted me and tried to convince me how bad my life was.
When I had been in Virginia and married for three years Anne called and told me she had bought tickets to come out and visit me. I was both surprised that she had invited herself to stay with my family and mildly happy since I had not seen anyone from "home" for three years. The time finally came when she showed up. We picked her up at the airport. She acted as though she thought I should treat her like a fucking celebrity. I was not amused. The night after she got there she got drunk and told me that I had not changed since highschool. She meant it as an insult since I was often perceived as anti social and melancholy in high school. (I always thought of myself as more rational than my friends in high school and they could never understand that the things they considered fun were things I typically considered too childish for me.) I told her the problem was that she had changed too much. She responded that she had grown up, with a very vicious look on her face. I left it at that. During the rest of the week I was just praying for the visit to end. She drank from the moment she got up to the moment she went to sleep. She never mentioned her children or shut-up about the love-hate relationship she had with her boyfriend who she had every intention of cheating on. She spent the week telling me how miserable I was, how my husband wasn't as good as the guys she dated, how my son was spoiled, how bitter and hateful I was. She asked me if I was angry at the world and then got very angry when I told her I wasn't, in fact quite the opposite. I loved my life and couldn't be happier. The week took forever to end, and by the time it did I realized I couldn't stand Anne. I thought more and more about her comment about me not changing and about her growing up. I realized that that was not what the issue was. The issue was that I decided I needed to grow up after I had my son. She stayed Anne. She never tried to grow up. It was still all about Anne. I couldn't afford to let it be all about me, I had a son. She had Anne. If becoming an alcoholic was "growing up" she had definitely passed me. On a day to day basis I got along better with women over the age of thirty. Her crowd was 21 and just legally drunk and typically high. It seemed to me that life froze for my two best friends. Both stayed "home". Neither moved on from high school. And while I remember it so well, I have been out of high school for 7 years now...
If anyone is reading this and wondering what brought this train of thought up, I will explain. Even if no one is reading this (or someone is reading it but doesn't really care what brought it up) this is used more as a diary for myself than for the entertainment of others.
I recently had an "encounter" with a long time friend of mine from high school. For the sake of anonymity I will name her Anne. I have know Anne since we were in the sixth grade. She had a rocky childhood and I believe that is why I latched so firmly on to her as a friend. I have always had a problem with attracting needy people. Our friendship grew very strong in high school. I put her on a pedestals and ignored any flaws or mistakes she made. I loved her as though she was a sister and thought she shared the feeling.
Our senior year in highschool she got pregnant and dropped out. She married the boy who impregnated her and they moved in with his family. Shortly after she got pregnant I found out that my other best friend "Beth" was pregnant as well. Then shortly after I graduated I got pregnant. It was something the three of us kind of joked about. The three of us, who had all been inseparable in highschool, were now inseparable in starting our families.
We began to drift apart slightly after the birth of our children. Anne's marriage fell apart very shortly after having her son. Beth put the father of her daughter in jail, and I stayed with the father of my son. After the divorce Anne started running around a little. She was very attentive of her son though. He always came first. Beth went to school to follow her mother's path and teach. I went to school for a while but then dropped out due in part to major post partum depression and in part because my fiance became everything a girl despises in a male. I had to try to find a full time job to take care of my son, my fiance's drug problem and normal day to day bills. Anne spent the entire time my life was falling apart drinking and running around. Towards the end of my crisis she got pregnant again. Beth was already pregnant at this time (with my fiance's baby, though it was not confirmed to me until recently). We talked very sporadically at this time, but when we did talk Anne and Beth joked around about how I would be next, we had all been pregnant together the first time and would be again. I however had other plans. Things were very bad for me at this time at home and I knew I needed to get away from my fiance. So I married him. I know that doesn't seem logical, but it worked. I married him so I would not have to give custody of my son to someone else temporarily so I could join the military. This was suggested to me by my recruiter, though my fiance did not know that is why I decided to marry him before joining. I was his meal ticket missus. While I was in bootcamp Anne and Beth had their babies. Anne left the father of her second child and Beth at this time still claimed to not know who the father of her's was.
Boot camp changed me. I moved on to a point. I admit I got a little wild after getting out of bootcamp. I couldn't move my son to live with me, so I drank and partied alot. I also became alot more responsible. I told my husband I wouldn't deal with his shit anymore and filed for divorce. I was all business at work and all play during my liberty hours. I met a MAN. A real, honest-to-god MAN! He was everything I needed. Grown, mature, funny, responsible, gentle, and drug free. We became involved shortly before I got out of the military. We got engaged shortly after I got out.
When I came home I came home to different people. Well I should say I came back to the same people, but I was different. Anne was involved with a man who was nearly twice her age and both were involved with meth. She had two children at this point and spent little time with either, though she did love them more than anything according to her. Beth had two children and was involved with a friend I had know since 5th grade. Within a month Anne was pregnant with her third child, by a third man. I began to see that she was not high on this pedestals. I began to realize how much she tried to put me down to make herself feel better. She had done this for as long as I had know her but I always believed she was right. I noticed she put her own needs and desires above everyone else's. For instance, she wanted cheaper drugs so she tried to break up my relationship with Paul (the real MAN) and convince me to date her dealer. Needless to say I was not interested. I was in the middle of trying to secure custody of my son and did not want to become guilty by association so I stopped communicating with Anne as much. I tried when I first got out to get her to quit but then realized I couldn't save her at the cost of my son's future.
Shortly after I got full custody Paul and I picked up and moved to Virginia where he was now stationed. Anne had her third child. I got married, Beth got married a couple of months later, then had her third child a few months after that. I spent my time trying to learn to deal with my husband's long absences and take care of my son. I went to school and became a certified medical assistant and got recommendations to continue my medial education. Anne broke up with the father of her third child and began running around again. Beth almost finished her teaching education then dropped out. She got pregnant with her fourth child. We began talking alot again. Her second child was diagnosed with Autism (the child she had with my ex husband while I was still engaged to him), her third had serious medical issues and weight loss. Anne started calling more after she got involved with another man. He was the "risk taker." She started working at a bar and talked less and less about her children and more and more about this man she became obsessed with. She constantly "jokingly" insulted me and tried to convince me how bad my life was.
When I had been in Virginia and married for three years Anne called and told me she had bought tickets to come out and visit me. I was both surprised that she had invited herself to stay with my family and mildly happy since I had not seen anyone from "home" for three years. The time finally came when she showed up. We picked her up at the airport. She acted as though she thought I should treat her like a fucking celebrity. I was not amused. The night after she got there she got drunk and told me that I had not changed since highschool. She meant it as an insult since I was often perceived as anti social and melancholy in high school. (I always thought of myself as more rational than my friends in high school and they could never understand that the things they considered fun were things I typically considered too childish for me.) I told her the problem was that she had changed too much. She responded that she had grown up, with a very vicious look on her face. I left it at that. During the rest of the week I was just praying for the visit to end. She drank from the moment she got up to the moment she went to sleep. She never mentioned her children or shut-up about the love-hate relationship she had with her boyfriend who she had every intention of cheating on. She spent the week telling me how miserable I was, how my husband wasn't as good as the guys she dated, how my son was spoiled, how bitter and hateful I was. She asked me if I was angry at the world and then got very angry when I told her I wasn't, in fact quite the opposite. I loved my life and couldn't be happier. The week took forever to end, and by the time it did I realized I couldn't stand Anne. I thought more and more about her comment about me not changing and about her growing up. I realized that that was not what the issue was. The issue was that I decided I needed to grow up after I had my son. She stayed Anne. She never tried to grow up. It was still all about Anne. I couldn't afford to let it be all about me, I had a son. She had Anne. If becoming an alcoholic was "growing up" she had definitely passed me. On a day to day basis I got along better with women over the age of thirty. Her crowd was 21 and just legally drunk and typically high. It seemed to me that life froze for my two best friends. Both stayed "home". Neither moved on from high school. And while I remember it so well, I have been out of high school for 7 years now...
posted by Elliott at 9:03 PM
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